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What Women Want: Top 6 Qualities We Look for in a Man

Writing about relationships could be a little tricky.  There are so many factors to consider, such as age.  What you want in your 20s will probably change when you hit the 3rd floor. Lifestyles, past experiences, socioeconomic background and culture could also be very influential in any type of relationship.

When looking for love there is a question that I consider to be a common denominator between everybody, no matter where you came from, how old you are or your past and present circumstances. “WHAT DO WOMEN/MEN WANT?”  The answer to this question is crucial to demystify the opposite sex.  Being that I am a woman, I will talk about what WE want versus what MEN think we want.  Every woman has their own list of qualities they look for in a man.  Based on my own experiences and what I learned when speaking with many of my female and male friends, the following six qualities women look for in the opposite sex tend to be the most misunderstood by men.

1.  SENSE OF HUMOR

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According to a survey done by Men’s Health Magazine to more than 1,000 American women ages 21 to 54, 77% of women ranked Sense of Humor as their number one must-have in a man, beating out passion, confidence, intelligence and generosity.  These last four play a very important role in a man’s personality.  But, I have to agree that sense of humor is a key element in a relationship.

Men think we want                                                                                                            I have told guy friends that I look for sense of humor in a man and most do not believe me. Some men think that all a woman wants is a good looking man with green eyes, a six pack, a pearly white smile, perfect hair, and a big heavy wallet.  Although the aforementioned sounds appealing, personality is very important and without it the other assets will end up simply boring us.

What We Want
A man that you can have interesting, fun conversations with.  Mental stimulation is very important.  A woman will be happy if she is out with a man who can show that he is intelligent through eloquence and at the same time be witty.  Someone that does not take himself too seriously is a plus.  Humor often shows that a man is confident, clever and can be there to cheer you up when you are having a bad day.  Careful guys, we are not looking for a clown. Don’t overdo it. With all the fun and laughs some real conversations might be missed and we don’t want that. Also, conversations go both ways so talk, ask and listen!

The aim is to have a great time with someone no matter the time, place or circumstance.  In life you encounter the good and the bad.  Being able to share your sorrows and laughter with someone by your side is what we want.  Sharing the burdens and the happiness builds beautiful chemistry, and once you build those experiences together, the road ahead seems a lot less bumpy for the two of you.

2.  NO GAMES

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In an era where so many people communicate via text, Facebook, Twitter, among so many others, there has been a loss of picking up the phone and making an actual phone call.  This was one of the first scenarios I dreaded after my last relationship ended.  I was scared of going back to the whole dating scene because of the games involved with early dating.

Men think we want
Men tend to believe that they will make us like them more if they are mysterious and unavailable.  For instance, the man will stop calling or texting after the first couple of dates. They show little interest in our lives, but then they click “like” on our picture on Facebook, showing us they are still around.  Although this behavior can drive us crazy for a second,  all it takes is one night out with our girlfriends and a real man calling us to forget about you and your games.

What we want
We pretty much want someone who is reliable, trustworthy, honest and real!  If we went out and had a great night, there should be no games lined up.  If you say you are going to call, then call.  It is okay to receive a text message, an email,… but, it should be combined with phone calls.  If you like us, let us know.  If you want to ask us out, do it.  Life is short and options are endless, so playing games will end up being a complete waste of time and energy. Keep it REAL.

3.  ROMANCE & SEX

“In these times romance has been lost.”  I have heard this over and over again, but I have also learned that it is not completely true.  I have recently experienced that this is generalizing on the idea.  There are plenty of men out there that still know how to show their girls how romance is still alive.  Some don’t believe in it.  Some show it in their completely different and at times ‘strange’ ways, but it does exist.

Men think we want                                                                                                Opening car doors, buying flowers for your girl, telling her how beautiful she looks, who does that?  A high percentage of men think that they do not need to do that for their girls, especially when they have been in the relationship for a long time. Today women are more independent, leading men to believe that they really do not have to make too much effort to build-up a relationship and romance a girl.

What we want                                                                                                  AFFECTION, AFFECTION, AFFECTION!  Guess what guys?  We do want flowers, kisses, hugs, for you to hold our hands and shower us with compliments.  We like manners, chivalry and gentlemen qualities in a man.  We like to know that you are happy to be with us and you appreciate us.  There is nothing wrong with getting the princess treatment.  Hint:  If you treat us like a princess, there is a strong possibility that we will be motivated to show you our appreciation later.

And talking about that….Yes, we do like sex.  Good compatibility is an important factor in a relationship.  We can be your princess outside the bedroom and your seductress inside. But, we do have some petitions.

Many men do not understand that there are some stages and bases to cover before the act. We do like to cover these stages.  Yes, let’s welcome Mr. Foreplay to this article!  Sweet kisses, whispers and shoulder rubbing.  Be creative and be patient.

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Other ways of showing your romantic side:

Be accommodating to her needs, but not appearing spineless.

Allow her to make decisions that affect the two of you.

Protect your woman.  Take charge and step up in times of conflict.  I am not talking about conflict between the two of you, but any circumstance that occurs outside of the relationship.  One of the situations that hurt me the most in my past relationship had to do with this.  Always have her back when someone else is disrespecting her.  This goes both ways.

Respect her opinions, friends, family, hobbies, interests, body and mind.

4.  COMMUNICATION

This one is a strong key for any relationship, especially if one of you is constantly traveling for work.  Busy lives combined with quick communication via texts or emails can lead to misinterpreted messages.  At times, one of you may end up assuming one thing or the other and it all becomes a mess.  Assuming is a communication killer.  Always ask and listen.  Also, couples should be able to talk when the parties are calm and can focus on each other.

Men think                                                                                                                    Many men have trouble verbalizing their feelings.  They step back and settle in their ‘man caves’.  According to them we are too emotional and argue over nonsense.  They let us talk, let it out of our system and then just stay there quiet. On the other hand, some men will say what we want to hear just to make us happy and that does not work.  Dishonesty is not the answer.

What we want
What men can see as nonsense might be of huge importance for us.  At times we become all emotional, especially during that time of month, but with some understanding between both parts, no argument should erupt.  All we want is someone to hear us when we need to vent.

After reading “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, I learned one of the biggest communication lessons ever.  There is no point on trying to settle an issue while both sides are upset.  Each one should walk away and then try to settle it out when the air is clearer. Otherwise, words that are not meant to be said could be thrown out there and can be hurtful to one or the other.  The problem here is that walking away could be misinterpreted as, “I do not care so let me go to the next room.”  Make sure you do mention that you need some time to think and cool off.   Again, it goes both ways.

Honesty is also an important ingredient when it comes to relationships.  You want to let him know what you want and he should be able to do the same.  At the end of the day, all a woman wants is to know that her man is thinking about her.

So when you take that trip or have to work late, add your woman to your schedule.  There should be some time for a phone call and if possible some Skype.  It doesn’t take too much time to let us know that you care.

5.  GROOMING

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Men think                                                                                                                            Some people might think that men who take care of themselves, for example by going out for pedicures/manicures  are not straight.  There is a lot of insecurity and ignorance in that thought.  There is absolutely no problem with cleaning up, as long as you don’t overdo it and turn it into a one man runway show.

What we want                                                                                                               Both sexes work with their hands and feet.  Manis and Pedis are unisex!!  We all deserve it.

A relaxed sex appeal is better.

Cologne:  We like a good scent but make sure you don’t spray half the bottle on you.  It is such a turn off to be able to taste your cologne just by kissing you hello.

Although unibrows are never attractive, eyebrow shaping/waxing is for girls!!!

Dress up. We really don’t care which brand of underwear you have on so put those jeans up. Belts! Belts! Belts! Make that effort to look good. We do notice.  Obviously, it all depends on where you are going.  If you are taking your girl to a nice restaurant, leave the flip flops and ripped t-shirt at home.  Like they say, there is a time and place for everything and wearing a blazer does go a long way.  We like to dress up for our men, even when it’s just to go to the beach or sporting event, so pretend the dress code in your invitation to see us says Dress to Impress.

6.  FINANCIAL SECURITY                                                                                          How can I leave this one out when most of the men I asked regarding this topic on what they think women want answered MONEY.

Men think                                                                                                                           I guess these guys have been asking the wrong girls out.  I admit that there are many women out there that focus on getting the man that earns the most $$$ or has a successful social reputation.  I do not want to generalize here because most of us (at least in my circle) consider everything else I covered in the sections above more important than just money.
Many men tend to drive themselves crazy.  They put all their focus on work and being able to provide for their families. They understand that if there is no financial security, having a family will be almost impossible.  They focus on working in order to provide.  It is a logical situation. But then, balance between work and their relationship is sometimes lost.

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What we want                                                                                                                Just as men focus on their financial stability, nowadays a high percentage of women do the same.  I want to include myself here as I would never want to be in a position where I have to stay with someone just because I cannot stand on my own financially speaking.
Finances have played a major role in how relationships have changed throughout times. More and more couples are moving in together before marriage.  Living expenses, credit cards, student loans have increased with time.  Now co-habitating relationships are more socially acceptable and often seen as economically advantageous.

Still, the financial independence between the two does exist.  As men tend to feel threatened by past divorces, possibilities of alimony and child support, women feel pressure to have financial freedom before thinking about motherhood.  But even as we focus on career and that autonomy, we also look for that happily ever after with a husband.  We look for that balance that I feel sometimes men tend to lose.

As much as we love seeing them going out and having a career, especially if it is a job that they are passionate about, we also want them to spend time with us.  This is where that balance should come in.  We want quality time.  It can be just sitting at home, cooking together, doing house work or a simple walk around the neighborhood.

These are the moments that help a couple reach more intimacy.

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Relationships are not as complex as some make them seem.  It is a matter of communication, understanding and respect.  Know the other person’s needs and don’t ever try to change them.

This has been a fun article to write and as I mentioned before, I did it based on what I have seen, experienced, learned and researched among my friends.

I want to end it up by reassuring you guys that contrary to what many of you believe, it does not matter how independent your girl is and how finances are an important part of society, especially in these times, women are more receptive of romantic gestures than anything else.  It is not about the gentleman versus the bad guy.  It is not about  who has money and who is struggling.  It is about having someone who makes us feel loved and that no matter what, we can openly trust. Once this exists in the relationship, every step taken together will be more meaningful for both the man and the woman.
Darlene
http://www.twitter.com/darlenevaz

You can also read this article on http://www.clubfashionista.com

© DarleneVazquetelles, [2013]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to [DarleneVazquetelles] with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Technology Overuse: What are you missing when you don’t put it away.

There is a huge possibility that you are reading this article on your mobile phone.  There is even a bigger possibility that you are accompanied by a friend that is either on her/his own phone or upset that you are on yours.
By now we should all be aware of the great impact smartphones have on our society.  All of this as a consequence of the Facebook/Twitter revolution.  These two are now followed by other sites such as Pinterest, Instagram, Tumblr, Vine, …  Communication via social media has created a great frenzy throughout the years.  Some people find it important and necessary to let everyone know what they are doing at all times.

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If you are promoting your company or career through social media, posting at all times would be something essential as part of the marketing strategy.  But, a great amount of people have made it so imperative in their lives that they end up giving more importance to this piece of technology than to the person or scenario in front of them.

THE RESTAURANT ETIQUETTE
It is so sad when you see three out of four people sitting at a table bowing their heads down to their phones.  It is okay to take it out if you want to show something to someone because there is an actual interaction with the person sitting next to you.  It is also okay to take a phone call by excusing yourself from the table, especially for parents who left their kids with a babysitter for the night.  But, there is nothing like a nice dinner and eye to eye conversation where you are able to put your phone in your pocket or purse and enjoy the company.

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(One particular restaurant in the U.S.A. has introduced a ‘NO Phone During Dinner’ policy, wherein the customers cannot use their cellphones while having dinner; and in return, the restaurant offers a 5% discount off their total bill. By Guide5 on Pinterest)

UNNECESSARY DISTRACTION AT THE MOVIES
Our cellies not only can be a distraction to yourself at a movie theater, but also to the people sitting around you.  That bright light that comes up when you are texting and the phone call you answered in the middle of the movie is very distracting and annoying.  How hard can it be to disconnect yourself for 90 minutes?

LIVE CONCERTS SHOULD BE KEPT ‘LIVE’
So you pay $$$ to go see a live show of your favorite artist and as soon as he/she comes up on stage, you have that urge to get it on camera.  That is fine.  These are cool memories that you want to be able to have and to share.  Now, it can go a little bit overboard when you end up watching the entire show through the screen on your cell phone.  You spend the whole time taking videos or pictures and end up missing what you came out to see.
After taking the picture comes the making sure it came out all right.  Then you start editing by cropping and finding that perfect filter.  Tweet it, post it and tag it!  You should be done now, right?  Wrong!  Now, lets see who ‘liked’ it, who commented and then start replying.  Before you know it, you have missed the essence of being there in real time, watching the ‘live’ show.  This same process happens in any other social activity or event.  I miss the times when you would take the picture and then have to wait to get it printed in order to see it.  Nowadays, we don’t wait until we get home to do the editing and sharing.  We have that urge of doing it at the moment.  I say WE because in more occasions that I would like to admit, I have been one of those.  At the end, I end up being upset at myself because it made me miss a great play at a sporting event or a great part of an artist’s performance at their show.

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KNOWING THE WHEN AND WHERE
I believe that it is very important to step away from technology and enjoy what is going on around you.  If you invite people over, focus on them.  Whoever is not there does not need your full attention when other people are there waiting for you to finish texting, posting, reading your newsfeed, checking out what is new on Instagram or what your favorite artist had for dinner through Twitter.  Prioritize in life.

I cannot say the same thing happens with computers, as they are not as accesible on a minute to minute basis.  Most of the time you sit in front of a computer and it is to work or do something else that requires attention.  But with the cell phones, there should be some sort of self restrictions being that we have them on us every single time of day.
It is okay to play games and browse through all the great applications out there while you are alone or waiting at a Doctor’s office.  Along with reading a good book you have left behind on the bookshelf at home,  these can be really good ways to make time go by faster.
Don’t get me started with the texting and driving.  You are not only risking your life but you are also risking the other driver, cyclist or pedestrian’s life.
Knowing in what situations to throw your focus on your cell phone and when to put it aside is about respect, to you and others.

THE NEW GENERATION
Recently I saw the change in two teenagers and their friendship when their cellphones were taken away by their parents because of grade issues.  I attended one of my nephew’s sporting events and they are the sisters of two of the other players.  I noticed how they were more or less the same age, sitting close to each other but had absolutely no interaction with one another.  One was on Instagram and the other one I am not sure, probably the same.  For one hour and a half they stood there looking at their phones, missing their brothers’ game and whatever could have been going on around them.  A few weeks later they ended up being punished right at the same time because of bad grades at school (I wonder why).  One of the days at the baseball game, they had no choice but to watch the game, talk and interact with each other.  Soon enough they were laughing, talking and having simple, non-technological fun.  To this day, they have become best friends.  I love how when they got their phones back, they still managed to leave them in their pockets and admitted to not having that need to check them constantly anymore.  They started living the moment.
There should be some time restrictions for children, teenagers and adults as to the usage.  There is no problem with shutting it down for a bit.  Again, not everybody can do this because of some work requirements or other situations where you need to be reached.  But if this is not the case, it is totally fine to just put it away and do something more meaningful.

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I am not going to be a hypocrite and say that I practice all of this.  But, watching these different situations on a daily basis and actually have had friends and family ask me to put my phone away, I am more and more aware of how it is something that needs to be changed.  I feel that everyday I am getting better at it and it really feels great.  I don’t have as many pictures on my phone anymore that were taken with the cyber sharing purpose in mind and I don’t post everything that is going on in my life.  I have been able to enjoy life more, appreciating what is going on at the moment, and have also learned to keep many personal things out of the social media eye.  Privacy can be very rewarding, especially when starting a new relationship.

A must watch video on the subject:

Now, share this article and put your phone away!!!

With Love,

Darlene

http://www.twitter.com/darlenevaz

© DarleneVazquetelles, [2013]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to [DarleneVazquetelles] with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Darlene Vazquetelles

Darlene Vazquetelles website

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